Post by Hellbreaker on Oct 13, 2015 14:00:50 GMT -8
Fulgur sighs, wincing at his wounds as he pulls out a data crystal that the guards had given him in case he got hurt. He staggers towards Rosario, putting the object in his hand and activating it.
Then, he breathes in, lightning streaming into his mouth and healing some of his wounds as he looks curiously at the computer. Limping over to it, the boy reads it. Wait, what?!!What did this mean?!! He turns back to Rosario, but blinks, seeing him gone.Fulgur shakes his head, slumping down and sitting on the floor. He had to get back to Russet and Kidd...
Well, both of your RP Styles seem quite good, though there's room for improvement.
General RP seemed good, though one thing that can make RP posts seem a bit lacking is when we mainly carry out 'reaction posts' by restating what the previous person did...and not elaborating on our own character's actions.
Just some food for thought.
But anyhow, your styles will get better with time.
Also, use of paragraphs and maybe making sure the speech isn't blended in with the paragraph can help too.
In addition, stay on guard against repetitive words.
Rosario / Deathy: 20
Fulgur / H.B: 11
Both of you certainly articulated quite well. I could feel the sting of the bullets and almost see the glow of that Dark Cannon before it fires upon Fulgur.
But it's good to keep the descriptions coming. Don't hold back from describing things...this includes your character's description when they move and such too!
One example that comes to mind is the differences in attacks...I could mostly picture Rosario's attacks, but a 'flurry of sword strikes' can be improved upon. Stabs,slashes...there's a host of ways to describe movements a bit more.
Also, just because something comes off as 'cliche' to you, don't skip describing it. Your readers may not know what cliche stance you're referring to, for instance.
Rosario / Deathy: 15
Fulgur / H.B: 9
As much as I enjoyed this battle on both ends, something seemed a bit off when compared to what both navis can do...
Compared with what he actually owns, Rosario wouldn't be able to launch any icy spike attacks. That's beyond his current capabilities it seems...same goes for the Dark Cannon that isn't in his possession either...
And the Shield Bash attack wasn't available to Fulgur during your battle (or wasn't approved, so that applies as well...
Saying that a Dark Cannon would likely have more kick than a MegaCannon may be an understatement...so that point-blank blast would've done more than crack his helmet...though a move like that being anything but a finisher seems a bit odd too...
The punches and basic blows seemed realistic enough though
Also, you were both Version 1 , but seemed to have a gap within the earlier parts of this battle. Made me feel the need to double-check the version difference.
Rosario / Deathy: 8
Fulgur / H.B: 12
Both of your posts seemed to be long enough.
Not too long to the point of me getting bored and not too short to the point of me starving for more...
Both of you: 10
Fulgur definitely seemed to exude more emotion...the frustrated feelings of a friend seemingly forgetting you, that shock from having an attack frozen and blocked effortlessly...
And even though I went 'HUH?" when Fulgur was ready to help assist Rosario even if it meant betraying his own feelings and such, it oddly felt...in character.
Rosario's emotions seemed fluid, though the shift from bragging to 'how is this possible' reminds me of a Saturday morning cartoon's villain. Not that that's a bad thing...but like most in the villain role, it didn't seem as if there was much emotion to him. Even in using his last ditch attack of Dark Vulcan...there seemed to be nothing much there...but from the personality section of his stats, it seems that's in-character...
Rosario / Deathy: 5
Fulgur / H.B: 9
Overall, you both did pretty good handling your characters. There's room for improvement, but that'll likely come with time and gaining more experience Roleplaying.
Still helps to keep speech separate from paragraphs,minimally. Though maybe it's just my opinion.
And it's important to keep in mind what's in your character's arsenal as well.
Rosario / Deathy: 6
Fulgur / H.B: 5
Rosario / Deathy: 64 points ( B rank )
Fulgur / H.B: 56 points ( C Rank )
And given that you've both wrapped this up already, no need for me to say anything about a finishing blow it seems...