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Post by kyuubi25 on Oct 4, 2011 18:09:18 GMT -8
Judgement Type: Single Judge (requesting) Posts: 1 Intro, 5 Battle Matched At: V2 (Remnants Version) Story Version: Off Version Bonus: Off --------------------------------------------------------- Jinko had gone to the park.
"Man, it's nice out here."
Seeing as there was no-one around, he took a light nap. When he woke up, he noticed there were some people near by. He reached for a cigarette, and remembred that he had left his lighter at home.
"Anyone got a light?"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2011 18:27:06 GMT -8
" No light..."
A voice carried itself through the wind, reaching Jinko's ears. It sounded little more than a whisper -- barely loud enough to deserve to be called a 'sound'.
"... Only darkness."
The crowd seemed to stop in mid-step, and freeze as if time itself had come to a complete halt. The shadows of the navii -- even the shadow beneath Jinko -- detached itself from its origin and joined together with the others about seven yards infront of Jinko. The combined entity rose out of the ground, taking on the shape another another Navi to the likeness of one Jinko had never encountered before.
The being pointed directly at him. As it did, its own shadow began to grow and consume the area, turning everything to pitch black, almost as if separating the two Navii from that dimension of reality completely, and bringing them into an entirely new realm. The darkness of the character blended in perfectly with the darkness the now consumed both Jinko and itself. In every direction, all that could be seen was absolute blackness. But the figure that had brought them there had a strange purple glow about it, and it emanated a smokey-like aura of the same color, so it wasn't completely invisible to Jinko.
But almost.
There seemed no way of returning... No way unless, ofcourse, Jinko defeated the being that held this realm together: Remnant's Shadow.
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Post by kyuubi25 on Oct 7, 2011 18:48:25 GMT -8
Jinko laughed in a way that, in any other setting, would make him seem insane.
"Man, i needed a light, and instead i get a fight. Well, whatever, i'm game."
Jinko ran at the being that had brought him here and slashed at it with his blade, which seemed to emenate darkness.
"You know, this is almost fun."
Jinko smirked in an crazy way.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2011 19:22:28 GMT -8
The darkness of Jinko's sword was consumed by the darkness of the atmosphere -- adding to its thickness. As the slash came, the being raised its own sword, forged by the darkness of the area, to meet Jinko's as it drew near.
The spark of the collision illuminated the face of the being Jinko was fighting for just a split second, before the thick black air consumed it again. In the face of his opponent, Jinko saw his own face, smiling back at him with that same sinister, crazy smirk across the real Jinko's mouth as he made the first attack.
"...I began as the darkness of one."
As the blackness of the area cloaked his enemy again, the figure that had stolen Jinko's face jumped back, disappearing completely from Jinko's sight as the purple visual elements of the Remnant vanished as well. But Jinko could still here its whisper, as it got farther and farther away from him.
"...And became the darkness of all."
The voice seemed miles away now, as Jinko stood seemingly alone in the mysterious realm. Even the footsteps of his enemy were silenced -- swallowed by the darkness that he could almost feel swallowing him.
"... I... Am..."
Those words were the last sound Jinko heard for a good thirty seconds, though they felt like hours. He felt a complete absence of the opposing entity, although he was still trapped in its distorted world.
" FEAR!"
The voice came from directly behind Jinko now, screaming (rather than a whisper), completely destroying the silence that Jinko had found himself caught it. It was so close to him that he he could literally feel the breath from the words blow across the back of his neck. An attack was coming, that much was certain. As for what it was, Jinko wouldn't know. All that was obvious was that, if he didn't move, he was going to get hit. The strength, the accuracy, and the type of attack was a total mystery to Jinko, as was the true enemy he found himself up against.
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Post by kyuubi25 on Oct 7, 2011 19:51:07 GMT -8
Jinko once again drew his blade, blocking the blow. An audible boom rang out through the darkness as the blades clashed.
"You're..."
Jinko moved to the side as he knocked his oponent into the air.
"...Starting to..."
Jinko broke his blade into 8 peices around his oponent.
"...PISS..."
Jinko slashed at his apponent from all directions.
"...ME..." Jinko appeared above his enemy.
"...OFF!"
Jinko made a final downward slash attack. Jinko then jumped backwards after he landed , not knowing if his oponent was alive or dead.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2011 11:07:40 GMT -8
As the swords clashed again, creating another spark to reveal the Remnant's face, the creature seemed quite normal -- perfectly resembling its appearance from when Jinko had first seen it.
This attack seemed somewhat predictable -- as the Remnant noticed the swords floating around him, it was only obvious that they were set there with the intentions of hitting him. Somehow, though, Jinko was able to find and piece them together with his own sword as he slashed at the Remnant, despite the darkness that around the two that would blind most navi.
As the first slash came, the Remnant parried with his sword. The following seven slashes met the same fate, but the final slash was different. As Jinko came down from above, the Remnant's entire being vanished completely upon contact with the sword. It washed away from vision in the manner that sand is swept away by the wind. The area slowly regained color and texture, as Jinko slowly returned to the park... but all the navii, they were still frozen in place.
" We've only begun."
The voice whispered again -- but it was face to face with Jinko. In the same way it had dissipated, the Remnant reappeared directly infront if Jinko with its blade held horizontally across his neck. The slightest movement could rip his throat, but the Remnant chose only to stand there with the blade in position as a threat to his victim.
"Now tell me... What is it you fear most?"
The Remnant tilted forward just slightly so that the blade was actually touching Jinko's neck now, pressing against his skin. It held the weapon slightly slanted, though, so that it didn't cut him, but anything so much as a swallow from Jinko's throat would press it against the blade enough to cause a small gash.
"Is it death?"
(2/5)
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Post by kyuubi25 on Oct 8, 2011 13:29:03 GMT -8
"Death? Never really crossed my mind before. While i don't exactly want to die, death is not what i fear most."
Jinko used his own blade to knock his oponents blade away. Then brought it down on top of him. The blade, once more, emenating darkness. No, the blade itself had become darkness. Darker than anything he could have imagined.
"My only true fear is to fight and defeat an enemy weaker than myself. For I find no joy in oppressing the weak."
The darkness was now erupting from the blade, almost like it was calling out to Jinko.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2011 14:27:40 GMT -8
" Then it is regrettable that you should have no fear in fighting me."
The Remnant stepped to the side as Jinko's blade crashed into the ground, then put his foot down on it to keep it there. An uppercut, followed by an inverse somersault kick to the jaw separated the Remnant from Jinko by about a yard or two. He raise his sword, pointing it directly at Jinko. It seemed the time to finish this drew near, but Remnant continued holding back, so as to give his opposition a chance.
In a duel like this, it would seem that the first navi to gain a hit on the other would be the victor.
(3/5)
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Post by kyuubi25 on Oct 8, 2011 14:45:32 GMT -8
Jinko rubbed the rabbit's foot that he had been keeping in his pocket. He then appeared behind his opponent.
"In battle, you're opponent has three blind spots, what are they?"
He then hit his enemy over the head with the butt of his pistol.
"The clock is ticking."
Jinko decided that he had held back enough. With all of his speed and power, he knocked his enemy into the air once more, he split his sword yet again, this time piecing it together with every strike after the second one.
"Too late."
Jinko struck his opponent with all his might in a downward arc, causing him to spin as they both fell to the ground.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2011 15:35:47 GMT -8
Not to be mistaken as a foolish move -- Jinko's plan was actually quite effective. It was a logical approach, because the last thing Remnant expected was to have the same attack tried at him twice. At first, it did seem foolish, but as the attack began to succeed, Remnant started to understand the ingenuity of it.
To mutter, groan, or grunt came from him as he took the attack. Rather, he just accepted it as it came. Each strike slamming against him, but somehow, in the end, he survived. Face down in the ground, but not yet defeated. The Remnant stumbled to its feet, using its sword as a crutch to carry its weight.
No comment. No response to the question. It only dashed back at the opposition with a flurry of sword strikes as a desperate attempt to get a hit in. Perhaps he had under-estimated Jinko...
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Post by kyuubi25 on Oct 8, 2011 15:47:38 GMT -8
Just as the being came within range, Jinko pulled out his redesigned colt 45's. When it was within two yards of him, he uttered one word.
"Boom"
An ever expanding beam of dark energy erupted from each gun.
"This is the END!"
Jinko was now staring at a 30 meter crater where his enemy had last set foot. Jinko put his guns away and lit his cigarette.
"Lets see you get up from that."
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2011 16:14:35 GMT -8
When the massive beam of energy finally faded away, the Remnant just stood there, cross-armed and with a cocky smirk across his face, completely unscathed. Nothing without a sharp edge could harm his incorporeal body, and the darkness of his body was sort of strengthened by the darkness of the blast.
"I can't get up from what never knocked me down"
The Remnant's sword wasn't in his grasp, nor anywhere in sight. Seconds after his response, his figure faded away again into thin air, as it had before. The crowd had finally began moving again, and the tangible silence that had surrounded Jinko and his opponent was finally replaced by the noise of the crowd's footsteps, shoving, and uninterpretable conversations that blended in with the rest of the noise.
A whisper carried itself over the wind, once again, as it had always managed to before.
" You're a strong navi... I'll have to wait before we encounter each other again, but rest assured... we will..."
No trace was left of the Remnant, after those words. The memory itself would slowly fade away into the darkness of Jinko's mind, until at last it would escape his thoughts permanently. All recollection, erased. All reminiscence, destroyed. All remnants, forgotten.
(5/5)
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Post by "Bill" on Oct 9, 2011 4:09:16 GMT -8
Okay! Here it goes! Kyuubix first, then Warrior.
Style: 26/30
You did really well on this, you stepped up your game, and you let things flow greatly.
Articulation: 12/20
This is where ya faltered a bit. I really didn't get much of a feel on what you did or how you interacted with things. It was a general "Jinko did this." Sort of thing. My suggestion is you work a little harder on your descriptions when RP-ing.
Balance: 18/20
Balance, for the most part, was spot on. The finale at the end was a bit over powered in my opinion, but hey, who doesn't like a big bang finish?
length: 5/10
Another spot where you faltered. It's one thing to keep things short and sweet, and another to just turn things to the basic. Think of an RP fight as if it's a story you're trying to tell. Engross your readers, don't just make it a fast read.
Emotion: 8/10
Jinko stayed root to his emotions pretty well, but I feel like he moved too machine-like, the articulation problem is what directly impacted this grade.
Custom points 9/10
I'm giving you this for having those Darkchips in-RP and totally affecting him, grade-A work there bud.
Now for Warrior:
Style: 28/30
You tend to use the layout of the posts themselves for your posts. While they're nice, they annoy the crap out of me for readability's sake. What you did with that scrolling down could've been done with like, six ellipses, but I digress. The two points over Kyuubix there is for the text-size manipulation though, so...y'know...good job... <_<
Articulation: 18/20
You described things really well I could see it happening. But, however, I didn't really feel immersed in it. So that's not a perfect grade, albeit you did it REALLY well.
Balance: 15/20
Yeah, I get it, only blade hurts shadow viruses IN THE GAME. In this world however, you're still QUITE hurt by other sources after the initial attack, so your balance is taking a punch in the head.
Length: 10/10
This was done perfectly, it expressed the key points, actions, and dialogue while cutting to the chase and not making me say "get on with it."
Emotion: 7/10
With this, I couldn't quite READ Remnant's motif. I mean, was he out to slaughter his foe? Make a test? You left unanswered questions that could've been answered just through a better tone IMO.
Custom points: 8/10
I give this to you just because I'm feeling generous. While I'm not particularly a fan of Remnant's Shadow, I can't deny you RP well.
Totals:
Kyuubix: 78/100 B Warrior: 85/100 A
this was pretty good, not the best I've seen, but definitely B+ A- work. Practice makes perfect, so all you can do is keep going at it.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2011 9:09:47 GMT -8
Thanks Billy. And good fight Kyu, you're getting alot better man xD Anyway, here're the rewards, based on the judging: Rewards Jinko:35 EXP 350 Zenny Remnant:70 Exp 700 Zenny
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