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Post by Shast on Dec 6, 2014 20:27:09 GMT -8
Judgeguy I couldn't think of anything to base my personal points on prior to reading the battle. So you each get 10 on the house.
-Mirror- Style: 22/30 Articulation: 17/20 Balance: 12/20 Length: 9/10 Emotion: 5/10 Personal: 10/10
Total: 75/100 B 85/850
I can't give an example but you abuse commas a lot. A choice example would be the first paragraph of your third battle post. It's about 50/50 on proper usage. I'm not confidant enough in my grammar to say which is which. haha
I never felt much emotion beyond superior cockiness. Is that how he normally is? He always feels more carefree 'hey let's get cotton candy' to me.
-Rainman- Style: 12/30 Articulation: 12/20 Balance: 15/20 Length: 9/10 Emotion: 7/10 Personal: 10/10
Total: 65/100 b 55/550
The entire second post has awkward word choice and janky tense changes. Example being: "RainMan #2 said as ran to the side.He then proceed to reach out his right arm and fire his Vulcan at Mirror."
Your third battle post kind of drops off.. You end with bringing your blade out and running but not doing anything.
You could spice up your wordplay by using descriptors for Rainman besides his name and 'he/him/his/etc'. Similar to how Mirror references Rainman as 'watery foe'.
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Over all though I enjoyed reading the battle. Each post was nicely paced and never felt like it dragged on. It's interesting how you both incorporated the items you own into the battle. I've never been too huge on counter damage in roleplay unless it's from close-contact attacks. It feels very weird doesn't it? I ramble. This is just a personal footnote but paint a scene with your intro posts. I knew it was Creamland but not where-in or what the conditions were.
Mirror wins, finish the fight and give into evil for the glorious 5/50
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Post by mirror on Dec 6, 2014 20:40:07 GMT -8
(OOC: He's been stressed out for various story related reasons, a bit pissy too. Trying to manifest that through making him a bit cockier, not sure if it's working out. He's a "got my strong opinions on various things but I keep them to myself and go with the flow" kinda guy, but I'm lifting that filter a bit.) The two opponents met in the air, blades clashing. However, MirrorMan's blade proved the victor, cutting into his foe as he shattered RainMan's blade. Landing below and dusting himself off, he turns to his bested opponent.
"I told you I would show you the futility of the self. You're not all that bad though, so keep at it."
He dematerializes his helmet, revealing his face with a larger smile than would be expected. It seemed he wasn't as dour as his words might make him seem. Walking over to RainMan, he extends a hand to help him up.
"This was in good fun though, so I'm sorry I got all serious on you. Thanks for the fight."
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Post by theguyiscalledsteve on Dec 6, 2014 21:20:28 GMT -8
Rainman gladly accepted the hand and got up with the help of Mirror.
"Don't worry it's fine!It was a good fight through and through,my Netop may be slightly mad now that he needs to get a actual job,but this helped me see how I can improve on myself as a whole."Rainman giving Mirror a thumbs up.
"Just be sure to win for me!I wish you the best of luck!I'll be with you in spirt!"Rainman said.Rainman then looked around the ruined city block covered in water and a few ticked off Navis standing by.
"....Do you think we'll get in trouble for this?"Rainman whispered.
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Post by mirror on Dec 6, 2014 21:23:55 GMT -8
Noting the bystanders and the flooded area around them, MirrorMan whispers a response to RainMan.
"Not if we get out of here fast enough. I'll see you around."
With that he disappears in a flash of grey light, teleporting to another network.
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Post by theguyiscalledsteve on Dec 6, 2014 21:32:37 GMT -8
[font face="courier new"] Rainman chuckled nervously noticing all of the angry looking bystanders.One of them in particular as he was a very huge one looking VERY angry at Rainman.
"Heh-heh.Well folks,I just wanted to say from the very deepest pits of my heart that-"Rainman then jacked out before finishing his sentence,transporting somewhere safe.
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