|
Post by B.o.B. on Sept 7, 2018 5:59:36 GMT -8
|
|
|
Post by Trinitrotoluene Monomania on Sept 7, 2018 6:39:31 GMT -8
Battle 7/10 From a distance came the sound of another cannon fire... the cannonball that flew was much faster and brighter this time. However, it flew over B.o.B. and his company, missing them completely.
Instead, it hit the rock cube slowly descending on top of Piano and smashed it completely, sending bits of rock and fire around him, and causing the fused Nightmare and Shadow to reenter the safety of the walls. Adjusting the top hat on his head, he steadily stood up with closed eyes and a pure smile, before he turned around and walked away.
The end?
|
|
|
Post by B.o.B. on Sept 7, 2018 6:57:26 GMT -8
|
|
|
Post by Trinitrotoluene Monomania on Sept 7, 2018 19:04:33 GMT -8
Battle 8/10 The explosion pushed Piano to instability, causing him to fall down the ground with a clank. Seeing this, the Grim Reaper virus hesitated none and charged straight at the wounded Handy to slash it to death with its Shadow-made scythe. The Satella carrying a Gunner returned to fire a barrage at B.o.B. as well, and from atop a roof, a Gaia virus slammed its hammer at a jumping Mettaur, launching it straight down towards B.o.B.
|
|
|
Post by B.o.B. on Sept 7, 2018 19:39:55 GMT -8
|
|
|
Post by Trinitrotoluene Monomania on Sept 7, 2018 20:16:59 GMT -8
Battle 9/10 While still crouched on the ground, his senses all in a blur after that explosion, he noticed cube-shaped bits of data draining from his arm. It was more than his already immense regeneration could handle. His arm crumbled and snapped in half, causing his head to hit the ground. Before he knew it, he was already deleted.
The Grim Reaper turned back into the Nightmare and Shadow that they were. The Satella lost its grips and dropped the Gunner down the ground. The Gaia froze. However, all their attacks did not cease. While the Handy held at the scythe that turned into an axe, the Nightmare swiped its blade-arms at the Handy's sides. The Mettaur started whacking the ground and shooting shockwaves towards B.o.B.. The barrage of bullets from Satella and Gunner didn't stop for a moment, even while the Gunner had to realign and stand itself. A Catack drove closer and closer towards B.o.B., firing destructive shots more often along the way. Way behind it, a Basher stood, firing three flaming shots at a time towards them.
|
|
|
Post by B.o.B. on Sept 7, 2018 20:35:53 GMT -8
|
|
|
Post by Trinitrotoluene Monomania on Sept 7, 2018 21:06:55 GMT -8
Battle 10/10 Viruses logged out one after the other, before any explosion dealt its harm to them. The structural casualty was massive, as the blackened building walls crumbled and floors collapsed from their hinges.
There was no trace of Piano or any of the wild viruses. It was all too quiet... however, there were footsteps closing in. Darkloids must have noticed the commotion.
|
|
|
Post by B.o.B. on Sept 7, 2018 21:35:09 GMT -8
|
|
|
Post by "Bill" on Sept 8, 2018 15:58:02 GMT -8
Ooooookay!~~
Comin' in to judge the RP and the dead! let's get things done!
Starting off, we have style! Both of you have a pretty standard style of posting, which, as much as I love the coding in the background to make posts physically pop, the tried and true method of "action and some speech and some action" is not exactly a unique posting style. That being said, you guys remained consistent in this regard, and it allowed ease of read, so you both get a solid 25 points here
Piano: 25 B.o.B.: 25
Articulation!: This is where I believed you guys could have shined more! Piano is a navi who materializes a lot of viruses for one-off attacks. It's a unique twist on battle chips and I feel like you could have done more to describe how the viruses behaved beyond their actions. On the other hand we have B.o.B, who actually took more of a backseat in this encounter, and the focus was on Righty and the BosDrone. Their actions were articulated well, but everything seemed so..."to the point" It was like I could picture all the actions taking place, but in 240p. I recommend trying to be a little more elaborate in your posting, denoting things like emotions, colors, and adverbs. Try to really sell the reader on action!
Piano: 10 points B.o.B: 15 points
Balance: You guys actually played the balance portion really well! I never felt like either person grossly outperformed the capabilities of their version, and the fight went smooth. I am actually going to reward an extra +10/100 to Piano, because it's not easy to play a navi as weaker than his opponent without either looking like a chump or playing too strong. B.o.B. It was a smart move having Righty and BosDrone being the focus of this battle, given the power discrepancy, and it assisted your balancing, very clever. Getting ready to be active with B.o.B. at the end as "obviously stronger guy getting serious."
Piano: 17 points B.o.B: 20 points
Length: This part broke my heart. You guys have two of the most stylistically unique navis in the game right now in how your navis fight. Your posts were all unsettlingly short. It was on average 1-2 three-sentence paragraphs or less, including dialogue. I understand why dialogue was so short in this fight, but this ties in with the articulation problem. If there's no talking, that just pushes the burden on describing the action even further. Having posts as short as you did not only gave your actions very little weight, but it ruins investment when I can tick my mouse-wheel once and miss an entire post. B.o.B edges out on this front for being more consistent in his post length, but both of y'all try your best to paint a good picture in your posts that can give me your side of the story. Each post is a new point of view through time, and you should want people to be excited to read what your character will do or say next.
Piano: 4 points B.o.B: 6 points
Emotion: Again, I was left more in this department. For Piano, I understand he isn't a talkative fellow, but your posts lacked non-verbal cues. No body-language, no emotive inner speech. It almost felt like he couldn't be bothered with anything. Since he's the one instigating the scuffle, the lack of emotion from him seems so far-fetched. Even when he talks about what he wants being peace. Try asking yourself a few simple questions like "What are they doing with their stance? how is their face looking? How are they talking?" These help you remember to convey the emotions of your character, even in subtle ways. B.o.B. your character's emotions felt only partially developed. I could get a small glimpse into his feelings through dialogue, but I feel like you fell short in better handling his feelings. The low growl of sadness when Righty was destroyed fell flat on me, because you never really built any connection between the virus and the navi. It felt more like it was being used like a shield, and to suddenly feel bad because it couldn't keep up felt strange. I would think B.o.B. would be trying to protect the virus as well, or there would be regret in his thoughts for not better protecting it in the first place, but it was just "use virus, virus dies, 'oh no!' and then slight angry finish as you take off kid gloves" Emotion is more than using obvious words like "angry" or "sad" there's word-choice beyond that. You knew you wanted to convey B.o.B's anger over the loss of Righty, but you missed the mark a little by not slipping that emotion into the rest of the post.
Piano: 5 points B.o.B: 6 points
Judge points: I'm honestly really underwhelmed by this battle, because I can clearly see the creative avenues you both can take with your navis. Try to work on being a little more detailed in your descriptions, and work on finding words that could build on your characters' emotions. For Piano, that's the way the viruses interact/act, and for B.o.B. try to build more on the Handy dynamic if you want to show grief and loss. Using it as a mere tool is fine too, but try to really commit to something. You guys have great potential, and I hope to see way better improvements in your roleplaying soon ^_^d
Piano: 8 points B.o.B: 8 points
Totals:
Piano: 69 points B.o.B: 80 points
Grades:
Piano : B (+20/200) B.o.B: B (+20/200)
The winner is B.o.B.
Total winnings (Before any multipliers):
Piano: (95/950) B.o.B. (115/1150)
|
|
|
Post by B.o.B. on Sept 8, 2018 16:10:57 GMT -8
Thanks Bill B.o.B. takes 115/2300(x2 from resource, collectors eye, and badge of fortune.)
|
|