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Post by ~Divine|<3|Heart~ on Aug 16, 2014 12:18:16 GMT -8
xXxXenneth&MegamixXx
Battle Post - S.I.X. ________________________________________________________
*FWOOSH!!!*
A powerful shockwave was like a gale force of wind that knocked Megami off her feet. Body was tossed in a helpless manner, but it was her arms that were her saving grace. The halberd was swept into the terrain to the point that it cut into the ground making a small cravat that dug into the terrain and her hands gripped tightly to swing her body off the handle and land upon her feet. Her eyes were filled with not a drop of surprise, but flooded with determination as she looked towards Midas and kept the last cry of Xenneth’s command ring in her ears.
They had to finish this now!
“Xen-kun! We need Tsuki and Yomi!”
It only took two clicks and a press of a button to quickly download the battlechips into the P.E.T. The moment Megami started to dash forth, there came another glowing aura before her. The halberd in her hand lost its white hot glow and was simply a glimmer showing its less potent form. Her right hand reached out snatching the blue aura and the battlechip and crushing it. There appears was a blast of wind that began to sweep over her hand and distort her body with a ripping gray form that carried water and a smoky white substance that were like the vapors of a cloud. From this twister, one child-like form with a dull expression on his face leapt foth. He was wearing shorts, a checker patterned pair of shorts green and a dark blue as his hands clinched a mallet twice his size. He slammed it down as there rush forth was a wave of water that risen skyward like a tsunami as it carried everything on the field from the cravat making mud and debris and some splinters of wood.
If Midas was paying attention to the toppling wave of water trying to figure out how to overcome it, he was fooled! The water was one thing, but from the center there was a hole that opened as a golden light rushed through the center. A piercing hole was left in the built wave and from it like a tunnel was a bolt of lightning, or so it raced across the field like one as it aimed to impact the chest of Midas who was in mid-charge of his attack. On the other end of this hole was what seemed like the same small child-like figure from before, but something was different…
The shorts he wore were like a skirt now, and the tips of his hat were opposite pointing to the ground and sky unlike before. His hair was more untamed showing some split ends rather than combed down, and if Midas could see the open amongst the wave, he would see the previous form like a before and after picture for the eyes. It was now obvious, there were two of them, and unlike the first attacker, this one clearly thrown the spear as her gloved hand was whipped forth after mid-toss and a devilish smile on her face with a killer instinct.
“Bye-Bye! Small fry!” she snidely said in that moment.
The wave collapsed in on itself and as it did, the pixels that made the images of the twins begun to break apart until they were no more. The only thing that was left now was the wave that was barreling down upon Midas as it approached and from atop of it was the most unexpected! The stand that was built by the strange worker NetNavi amongst all the action was now in splinters except for the colored square piece that was now carrying the form of a familiar face.
There was a kick of her sandaled feet that sent the board flying forth as it flipped forward to show its face and its message, “Trust the Midas touch!” It had met its use as a surfboard.
Megami, sailing through the air, came barreling down upon Midas. Once again, the Halberd was glowing a white hot color as she dropped from above intended to land, but the head of the blade was going to meet first as it swept downward with her crashing form. With one cry, Megami had sounded like a Valkyrie attempting to deliver the decisive blow as she seemed to intend to cleave both Midas and the spherical mass of energy into two at that instant.
________________________________________________________ “Because we can get that knockout!”
Now Playing: ----- Chatty Ditz: -----
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Post by Mega on Aug 18, 2014 11:08:15 GMT -8
BP: 6/6
"More chips, what shall you bring forth next to try and stop me?" Midas wondered after hearing the clicks of more chips. He did not seemed in the slightest bit concerned though. The golden hue of the arena continued to recede, drawing ever closer to Midas. If it got to him before she actually attacked, then he may have been concerned. For now Midas only watched as his opponent summoned a child. With a giant hammer. "Two clicks- one entity. Where's the other?" Midas thought more concerned about where this other entity would be as the giant wave appeared... and didn't appear to be doing anything other then hover over him like a bad omen.
"Clearly a distraction. Your gold skin would hold out against that in any case," his operator stated confidently. Both of them doubted that the wave had enough force to do Midas any harm on it's own. But a lightning bolt/spear was another matter. Since Midas was still charging, he did not move out of the way and was promptly impaled through the chest. Midas growled in pain as the attack had gone through, still maintaining his charge.
"It will... take more then that to bring me down," Midas growled as the wave crashed down on him, his gold skin now graduallu being drained by the now massive sphere.
That was perfect timing, but not as perfect as what was about to happen. Midas had no idea what was going on at that point, he only knew that his sphere was nearly finished as his golden skin was absorbed. And then he heard Megami yell and saw a white gleam above his head. If Midas could speak (assuming the water was over his head for that moment in time) he would find this incredibly amusing. For as soon as Megami's halberd dug into the sphere, it immediately detonated.
All of that stored up greed, ambition, and power was released in a glorious and intense explosion that quickly consumed the entire arena. The ring, the stands, and anything just outside of the stadium. All of it was consumed by the radiant, gold explosion that didn't leave anything or anyone left in it's wake.
Or did it?
((Now to find some poor soul- I mean a staff member for us :3))
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Post by Mega on Sept 24, 2014 8:05:12 GMT -8
((*Bump* cough))
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Post by Snakeskin on Sept 26, 2014 0:32:43 GMT -8
Okay, all done reading. It was interesting to see a battle between two combatants who both speak to their operators regularly; that's a real anomaly around here. Now for the judgment. Since I aim to help people improve, I'll be doing a write-up instead of just dropping in some numbers and running off.
STYLE: Both of you could have improved your scores here with some proofreading. You each made some distracting grammatical errors, like odd misuse and mixing of past and present tense and, oddly enough, the use of adjectives where adverbs should go ("shone brilliant" should be "shone brilliantly," for example). That said, I noticed much more of this in Divine's posts.
Mega, you've got the odd habit of qualifying most of what you say about your attacks or other actions. I appreciate wanting to make it clear you're not power-playing, but you really don't need to say something will do such and such “unless Megami interferes/moves/whatever.” That interrupts the flow of the writing. Instead of saying the attack will do something and then adding a caveat, try writing more from your character's perspective - write what he hopes or plans for the attack to do. That leaves open the possibility of it failing without such awkward interjections.
Overall though, I need to give Mega the win in this category. Divine - I promise I'm not trying to be rude when I say this - but your posts were hard to read. The writing was very disjointed. That's not just because of the technical grammar errors mentioned above, either; there was a lot of redundancy and confusing wording in your posts, and the sentence structure seemed almost constantly jumbled. You have a lot of ideas and an anime-esque theme, which is all well and good, but your writing needs a lot of streamlining and refinement. The action in your posts was very hard to follow and a lot of your intricate descriptions got "buried" among the errors. You're obviously putting a lot of effort in, which I'm very glad to see, but I just can't give you a good score here.
My advice for both of you - and anyone, really - would be to try and make a habit of going back over your posts and reading them out loud. You'd be amazed how much you can catch this way - when something's "off" it will actually be hard to say, and you'll instinctively want to fix it. Divine: 7/30 Mega: 20/30
ARTICULATION: Well I certainly can't fault Divine for a lack of descriptive detail! Even though it was difficult to decipher, there was a lot of attention to detail so you score very high here. Some very nice turns of phrase as well - the bit about the "dull guillotine blade" was especially clever. I did knock off a couple of points for the clumsiness of much of it, however.
Mega had less description overall - by a fairly considerable margin - but it tended to be better-integrated with the rest of the text. Since the flow of writing is mostly addressed in the Style category, though, he gets a lower score here for having fewer details. It was still perfectly adequate, however! Divine: 17/20 Mega: 15/20
BALANCE: You both did a pretty good job of keeping this a close battle. Neither of you did anything that made me step back and say "nope, that's overpowered." That said, I think Mega did a better job of conveying the damage his navi was taking, so he scores a bit higher. Divine: 16/20 Mega: 18/20
LENGTH: This section could also be called "Brevity" and be just as accurate; it's about using the proper length for the information that needs to be conveyed in a post. Mega did a good job of varying his post lengths based on what was happening, and they never felt cut short or drawn-out, so he gets full marks.
Divine's posts, on the other hand, consistently felt somewhat bloated. It's natural for them to be longer than average considering the heavy involvement of Xenneth as well as Megami, but as noted in the Style section there was a fair bit of redundancy, and the writing also tended to go off on relatively unimportant tangents quite often. Divine: 4/10 Mega: 10/10
EMOTION: You both did well here. You each addressed the characters' thoughts and feelings instead of focusing strictly on the physical action of the battle itself, which is exactly what I'm looking for. The characters all had distinct personalities. I'm giving Mega an additional point over Divine for the really neat expression of greed when Midas went a bit crazy and demanded Megami's sword, but neither of you have anything to be ashamed of here. Divine: 8/10 Mega: 9/10
JUDGE POINTS: Since I feel everything is covered by the above categories, this score is just an average of your scores there. Divine: 6/10 Mega: 7/10
FINAL SCORES: Divine: 58 / 100 - C Rank Mega: 79 / 100 - B Rank
MIDAS WINS
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Rewards: 40 EXP / 400z base for Mega for winning +40 EXP / 400z for 8 posts +20 EXP / 200z for B-Rank All of the above x1.5 thanks to Midas' Resource Type MIDAS GETS 150 EXP and 1,500z
10 EXP / 100z base for Divine for losing +40 EXP / 400z for 8 posts +10 EXP / 100z for C-Rank All of the above experience x1.25 thanks to Megami's Intel Type MEGAMI GETS 75 EXP and 600z
If either of you have any other multipliers/fancy EXP or zenny effects I missed post below me to add 'em yourself. Also keep in mind you can each get an extra 5 EXP and 50z if you make posts showing the end of the fight and its outcome.
Also also note that this post doesn't include the extra 100 EXP that Raven gave both of you mid-thread, so add that if you haven't already.
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